Friday, August 05, 2005

Relative Humidity

This may somehow tie in with my BATH Index, but I'm not really sure.

Whenever it is hot in North Carolina, there is a lot of talk about the humidity. This is an annual summer event, so I am almost used to it. Last week, a customer was telling about how hot it was and how the temperature and the relative humidity combined to form the dreaded "HEAT" index. So I explained Jones' Law of Relativity to him this way. "Let's suppose that you are sitting on the beach on an island in the West Indies and there is a beautiful woman beside you who just happens to be naked. So you are sitting there drinking one of those FuFu drinks in the tall glass with the bushel of fruit garnishing the glass, surveying a beach full of naked or near naked women. There may be other guys there, but they aren't registering in your brain. In this situation, would the same temperature and humidity that we have today even be noticed?" His answer, of course, was "No". As they say in West Virginia, it's all relative.

Speaking of relative humidity, the best definition of this comes from a customer known only as "Pervert Joe". I like Joe because his sense of humor makes me look like a candidate for sainthood. Joe defines "relative humidity" as the bead of sweat running down the crack of your ass when you are having sex with your wife's sister and you hear the front door open. I told you, he makes me look like a saint!


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