Tuesday Rants

What's going on with Katie Couric's eyebrows? Did someone in the makeup department at CBS watch an old episode of Batman with Catwoman??

Al Sharpton is trying to prove that he is related to Strom Thurmond. My God, it's not even a presidential election year and the nuts are pouring out of the woodwork. What will 2008 bring?

All of which brings us to Al "The Big Bore" Gore. Al's "documentary" won an Academy Award on Sunday night. I remember when documentaries were not works of fiction.

Al was in his element at the Academy Awards show. Surrounded by the Hollywooders, Al appeared almost human. There's nothing more entertaining than watching all the Hollywooders suck up to Big Al. They didn't just kiss his ass, they licked it dry.

It turns out that Big Al's home in Nashville uses TWENTY times as much electricity as the average American home. His usage has INCREASED since his "documentary" came out. It's the same old story, the do-gooder liberals want to tell YOU what YOU need to do, they don't follow their own rules.

The Sons of Confederate Veterans want to take over the operation of the Museum of the Confederacy in Richmond. Rumors that they will eBay artifacts to pay legal fees to the SLRC are considered premature. Also unknown is how the biker items and Klan memorabilia will fit into the museum's mission.

People are surprised that Britney Spears is in rehab (as of this writing) again. She shaved her head and got a tattoo on a Friday night. It was either rehab or enlist in the Navy.

I didn't check the news tonight but I don't think Anna Nicole Smith has been buried yet. After the Oscar winning performance by the judge in Florida, I can't believe that she hasn't been buried yet. The judge's performance in the case ends any idea that all judges are able to make an impartial decision.

NASCAR nonsense

I stopped being a fan of stock car racing when they stopped racing stock cars. It's been a long time, but more on that another day.

When I got home from work today, I watched the last few laps of the Daytona 500. After a late wreck involving several cars, NASCAR stopped the race to clean up the mess and run two extra laps to determine a winner. Mark Martin was the leader when the race was stopped. Martin restarted well and was in the lead halfway through the last lap when a large wreck began behind Martin and Kevin Harvick, who was in second. With cars flying into each other and all over the track, NASCAR did NOT put out the caution flag, which would have frozen everyone's position and ended the race with Martin as the winner. Instead, they waited until Harvick edged Martin to the finish line, then waved the caution flag. Someone's car actually crossed the finish line on the roof and on fire.

Interviewed after the race, Martin said "I kept waiting for them to throw the caution flag!" Do you think that all the wrecking behind them affected either Martin or Harvick? NASCAR waves caution flags for debris on the track, someone spinning out, and just about any collision. But not tonight, tonight it was more important to finish the 500 under green to maintain their image.

For the past two weeks NASCAR has accused crew chiefs, owners, and drivers of cheating. They have fined, suspended, taken points, and humiliated people in the name of following the rules. Tonight NASCAR ignored their own rules and policies to let the race finish under green. They risked the lives of drivers and millions of dollars worth of cars for TV ratings and fan support. What is the hypocrisy level in this action?

Dan come home, all is forgiven!

I watched the CBS Evening News with Katie Couric tonight, the first time that I have watched the national news in months. I can't believe that I am writing this but after five minutes of Katie, I found myself missing Dan Rather.

I saw a sign at Harris Teeter that said they ID anyone who appears to be under 30 who attempts to purchase alcohol. You only need to be 21 to buy alcohol, why do you have to look 30? I guess that it's the same as the signs in stores telling you that you must be 18 to buy cigarettes and they will card anyone who appears to be under 27. Why do you have to look 27 to not need an ID? How do you tell the difference between a 25 year old and a 28 year old? Do you need to have worked at a "guess your weight or age" booth at the fair to sell cigarettes and beer? I am opposed to underage sales of these items but wouldn't it make more sense to just tell people that if they appear to be underage they will need ID?

More Anna Nicole Smith news on TV tonight. Someone interviewed Anna's "partner", Howard K. Stern about the baby. Is there anyone involved in this whole thing who isn't stoned? Can they get an interview with someone who isn't slurring their speech?

In late breaking news, the president of the Czech Republic has described man-made global warming as a myth. He is also questioning Al Gore's sanity. I have no evidence that he reads this blog.

What me worry?

Anna Nicole Smith assumed room temperature earlier this week. Famous for her quart-sized breast implants and posing for Playboy, she was only 39. Packed into those few years was a list of activities that celebrity sluts like Paris Hilton can only dream about experiencing.

From her early days pushing fried chicken, "Will that be an all-breast dinner?" to her appearance before the United States Supreme Court,"Are they really the Supremes?", Miss Smith was always ready with an incoherent quip. Known by reporters as "The Ditz with the Tits", she was in constant demand by those looking to fill time on celebrity news shows. If she felt that no one was paying attention, it was not uncommon for Miss Smith to toss a breast over each shoulder to get a photographer's attention.

Her marriage to a man who appeared to be old enough to have served with Lee at Gettysburg only served to build Miss Smith's legend. She claimed that it was true love. His being a multi-millionaire probably had nothing to do with her attraction to him. Of course, if I find myself in that position at 90, that's a pretty good way to check out.

Sadly, it has all come to an end. Now all that remains is to determine the paternity of her new baby. The latest story to emerge from the ANS nightmare is the claim that the dead old man is the baby's father. Allegedly, she was impregnated with sperm from the old man that he had frozen. He was so old that his sperm couldn't have made the trip on their own. Do you think that he was looking at an old issue of Playboy featuring Anna while trying to come up with the sperm to have frozen?

This is America today. The headline story is that a stripper with humongus breast implants who married a 90 year old man has died of presently unknown causes. This just a few hours after some bull dyke named Rosie talked trash about her. Guys in line at massage parlors across the land mourn her passing.

Attention CBS, CNN, ABC, NBC, and others!!
Call me when you have real news.

Thursday Thoughts- "Two Americas"

John Edwards is running for president on a theme of "Two Americas". Yeah, I know that he is the son of a mill worker, though more frequently referred to as a son of a ...........
Poor John has recently moved into his new home near Chapel Hill, North Carolina. Just a little country place of close to 30,000 square feet on about 100 acres that costs somewhere between 4 and 6 million dollars. I think that John should be able to live in any kind of home that he wants. I also think that any ambulance chasing, personal injury attorney running for president would have to be a base idiot to move into this kind of house while talking about "Two Americas".
John, if you are really concerned about the poor, let a few stay at your place. You obviously have the room.

Nancy Pelosi, frequent critic of waste at the Pentagon, wants a bigger plane to fly home to California. Unhappy with the 12 seat jet that her predecessor used, rumors are that she wants the government version of a Boeing 757 to transport her. Once again, liberals demonstrate that every thing that they advocate does not apply to them. It is only their job to point out what the rest of us need to do.

I saw that Al Gore was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize for his warnings about global warming. In today's news, the government in Sweden is taking steps to feed the wild reindeer herds because a thick covering of ice is preventing them from getting to their natural grazing foods. Isn't Sweden where the Nobel Prizes are awarded? Have you fellows looked outside?? If Al is awarded the prize, will he have one of those big Suburbans that haul him around flown to Sweden to transport him to the ceremony or will he just take the bus??

Last Thursday, all of the weather forecasters were calling for 2 to 4 inches of snow and then 1/2" of freezing rain and ice for our area. Result, 1/4" of snow, no rain, no ice. Attention, all global warming forecasters!! Let's see, you can't tell me what is going to happen tomorrow but you claim to be able to tell me what is going to happen in 100 years. Are you crazy?

Politics as usual??

Joe Biden was busy today trying to explain his remarks about Barack Obama. I saw that Al Sharpton called Biden and told Joe that he bathed everyday. Thanks, Al. We all feel better now. Can Joe get Al to do something about his hair?

I saw the mayor of San Francisco apologize for having an affair with his campaign manager's wife. Hey! It was San Francisco, I was just surprised that it was a man and a woman. They might be the last heterosexuals left there.

George Smathers, former Senator from Florida, assumed room temperature last week. Legend has it that in 1950 while running for the Senate against Claude Pepper, Smathers would fire up crowds in rural Florida with statements such as "Claude Pepper is a practicing heterosexual." He also told people that Pepper's sister was "A working thespian in New York." Smathers routinely denied making these statements. Today, after eight years of sex education from Bill Clinton's administration, no one would be fooled by these comments.

I spoke to someone who objected to my mentioning that Genifer Flowers referred to Bill Clinton as a cunning linguist. In the Penthouse interview before the 1992 election, Ms. Flowers was even more blunt in her assessment of Mr. Clinton's "oral skills". Go read it yourself.

In the seventh grade at George Washington Junior High, we learned to diagram sentences. Mrs. Ora Adams spent a great deal of time covering this subject. I could see no use for diagramming sentences. Twenty five years passed before I needed to diagram a sentence. When Clinton became President, it suddenly all made sense. Thanks, Mrs. Adams.

In Greensboro there is a City Council member who in constantly demonstrating that the only thing with an IQ lower than the electorate is the elected. The woman's name is Diane Bellamy-Small. If you're bored, Google her name and see what stupid things that she has done lately. Or you can wait for my "City Council Follies" novel coming soon. It features a black, Irish, transvestite who does a great Popeye impersonation. Her name is Diane Smellamy-Balls.

On a more serious note, the US Senate, most of whom are running for President, today savaged General George Casey at his hearing to become Army Chief of Staff. McCain and all the other pretenders to the Oval Office ripped the general over the Iraq war. This brings back memories of the Joint Committee for the Conduct of the War, formed by Radical Republicans after the Union Army got shellacked at the Battle of Ball's Bluff in 1861. Do any of these guys know anything about history??